“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”Aristotle
We’ve probably all been completely and totally breathless as we’ve watched either a television show, action movie, or unfortunately, in a world of terrorists and random shootings, a real live telecast of a highly-tense scene of a critical, alarming, and extremely dangerous situation unfolding before our eyes.
Every single nerve in our body is in fight, flight, or freeze.
With great trepidation, we watch as first responders, SWAT teams and police race to the scene. With intense caution, they approach and strategically take control of the chaos. Their training and expertise having prepared them for such a time as this.
Sadly, this is the same exact reaction when someone we love, a colleague, a parent on the sidelines of an athletic event or a complete stranger standing in front of us in the line at the grocery store, goes into a fit of rage or anger over something.
We tense up.
We look around and hope their is someone in the midst of the scene who knows how to diffuse the emotional bomb of anger.
The Danger of Anger
Anger is a God-given, God-breathed emotion, yet, when it enters the dark, shadowy, and very unhealthy realm of rage, brawling, or unbridled and uncontrolled malice, it wreaks the same terror, fear, or intimidation of a bomb. Both threaten our safety and leave us emotionally devastated.
I hesitated in using the analogy of “a bomb” or “terror” in titling this post, but in all honesty, unbridled anger has the same emotional effect on those around it. It makes everyone in its wake feel unsafe and insecure and threatened.
Making Home a Safe, Secure and Stable Place to Be
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”Mark Twain
In this week’s podcast, I shared my own struggle with diffusing the anger bomb that existed in my own life. Oh, I’m not proud of that part of my story, but I am proud that I faced it, fought it, and found my way to freedom.
There were several aspects of this journey that I want to make very clear:
- I sincerely didn’t know “the root of the anger.” It is easy and quite normal to “think” it is the person, circumstance, or some other trigger that it is the “issue,” when in fact, it is rooted in a deeper issue. For me, my family of origins.
- I didn’t express my anger with words. I repressed it and instead “took it out” on cabinet doors or huffing and puffing like the big, bad wolf. Non-verbal behaviors that were filling the atmosphere of my home and relationships with very unhealthy, hurtful actions. Thankfully, my younger daughter, eight or nine-years old at the time, had the strength and courage to call me to accountability. To plea that I stop.
- My repressed anger was causing physical harm to my body. In Practice 9 of Overcoming Hurtful Words, I write more about the damaging effects of repression and suppression and how it will catch up with you. It inflames our nervous system and dis-ease will ensue. It is true that when we sweep negative emotions under the rug, we actually sweep them into the nervous system.
- My anger explosions made my daughter feel unsafe in her own home. This grievous awakening broke my heart into a million pieces. Having grown up in the home of an alcoholic, this was the LAST THING I wanted for my children. Having a safe, secure, and stable home environment was top priority to my husband and me. We vowed at our wedding to be the healthiest people we could be. To learn and grow and study the how’s and why’s of raising a strong family.
Diffuse the Anger Bomb
Oh how I wish my young daughter hadn’t been the one to diffuse my anger bomb. It’s taken years to forgive myself of that scene. I suppose it is a very big part of why I do what I do every single day
I want to save you from making the same mistakes.
I want to save you from hurting or harming the little souls in your care.
I want to save you from leaving a legacy of unhealthy, toxic relationships.
I want to save you from the damaging effects of anger bombs.
Today is the day. The day you make that firm decision to get the necessary help in diffusing any and all anger bombs in your heart. In your home.
In your legacy.
Maybe, like me, you inherited some anger DNA. Unbridled, uncontrolled, repressed, suppressed…whatever the case, you know it is a problem and you desperately want to learn how to implement the tools of emotional regulation, the spiritual practice of self-control, and receive any and all necessary professional help to move forward into freedom, for yourself and your family lineage.
I’m here to offer my support and expertise. Reach out. Your heart and body will be so glad you did.
More Helpful Resources
- Blog Archive: Are You Living Your Best Moment?
- Blog Archive: Peace of Mind
- Blog Archive: Prayer for Anxiety
- S2E3 Podcast: Why Am I So Angry?
- The Heartlift Method: Worksheets and Audio Meditative Exercises for Healing Your Heart