Experience the power of a heartlift. A heartlift? What on earth is that? Tune in and find out!
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Speaker 1: Words matter. They can change the course of your day. Just listen. You are brave. You’re stronger than you think. You have value, worth, and dignity. Don’t you feel better already?
Speaker 1: Welcome to Speak Healing Words, the podcast. Join author, and board-certified life coach, Janell Rardon, as she opens a very important conversation about the power of our words.
Janell Rardon: Hello, and welcome to Speak Healing Words, the podcast. I’m Janell Rardon, author, board-certified coach, and I like to call myself a professional heartlifter.
Janell Rardon: It is just so good to be here with you today to take a few moments out of our often too-busy lives, to consider the weight, and the power of our words. As human beings, we have been endowed by God with this capacity to communicate with words. We possess this power, and it’s quite a power to wield.
Janell Rardon: King David says we can choose death or life, two choices. And I have reeled that back down to a very foundational consideration, and I say we can choose healthy or unhealthy ways of speaking and using our verbal and nonverbal language. Experts say that 83% of our communication is actually nonverbal. We’re going to talk about that a bit more today.
Janell Rardon: So, today’s word is one that I thought I had created. When I was researching, and writing, and thinking through Overcoming Hurtful Words: Rewrite Your Own Story, my newest book, and then when I was working on the next book, Embracing Healing Words: Live Into Your Beautiful New Story, I saw that actually several other people had ministries, and nonprofits, and even a YouTube television show called, drum roll please, here’s today’s word, heartlift. At the time, man, I thought that had come to me as an inspiration from God. I still know that it did, but I thought it was original. And so, here is my spin on it anyway.
Janell Rardon: I was really trying to understand the process of what I do as a non-licensed counselor in the state of Virginia, and as a board-certified life coach. When I opened my practice in 2012, I mainly was working as a marriage counselor, marriage coach, and really fell in love with the whole idea of family systems. I’m still there. I’m still over-the-moon passionate about family systems. And so, in 2012 until about 2015, my work with couples, and then with women in those couples, I saw that absolutely everything came down to the condition of our heart, our emotional health. And our emotional health was, was and is, very, very linked to spiritual authenticity.
Janell Rardon: So, from that, I started thinking, “What is it that I do with people?” because my counseling and my coaching never last 50 minutes. It tends to go for a while. So, as I have evolved in my practice, and in my studying, and my certifications, and more studying, and my writing, I realized that the work that I do is really an intensive.
Janell Rardon: And when I was trying to understand what I did, I came across this article in Time magazine. I was in the doctor’s office, and I found it. I saw the cover, and the cover said “Nip. Tuck. Or Else.” Boy, did it grab my attention. One sentence in particular really struck the chord. It said, “In 2015 alone, women spent almost 1 billion dollars on facelifts.” Oh, yeah. You heard me right. 1 billion dollars. That’s a lot of money. And I just read, in 2017 … I cannot remember the specific amount, but it was far more than that.
Janell Rardon: And I thought, “Did I read that right?” I read it again. And yes, I read the whole article with a highlighter in hand many, many times. That statistic stunned me, and it kept going around, and around, and around, and around in my head. And then, I read what the author, Joel Stein noted. He said, “You’re going to have to do it, and not all that long from now. Probably not a full-on, general anesthesia, bone shaving or muscle slicing.” Uh. Hence, cringe. ” … but almost definitely some injections into your face. Not because you hate yourself, fear aging, or are vain. You’re going to get a cosmetic procedure for the same reason you wear makeup: because every other woman is.” He really did say that.
Janell Rardon: “Because every other woman is?” I thought in my mind. Am I really reading this correctly? Oh, Mr. Stein, I’m not one to debate, but I’d have to challenge your statement, “You’re going to have to do it, definitely some injections in your face.” Oh, no. No, no, no, no. I am going to debate that right here, right now.
Janell Rardon: In my practice, in what I do, listening to a woman’s heart is why I do what I do, and watching, and reading their faces is how I do it. Our faces mirror our hearts. Nonverbal cues and microexpressions, hence … Really grab onto that word, “microexpressions.” They say it all. So, those nonverbal cues and those microexpressions are 83% of our communication. Whew. Got to take a stall there, and take that in.
Janell Rardon: Science of People founder, Vanessa Van Edwards, agrees that learning how to decode the face is like having a superpower. I want that superpower. Furrowed brows, biting or pursing of the lips, sad eyes, a twitch of the cheek, chin pointed down. She defines microexpressions as brief, involuntary facial expressions shown on the faces of humans according to the emotions that are being experienced. Unlike regular, prolonged facial expressions, it is difficult to fake a microexpression.
Janell Rardon: I was explaining this to another client one day, and I said, “You know, our microexpressions are really a tell, aren’t they?” And she said, “You know what, Janell? You’re like a face whisperer,” she said. “I can’t hide anything from you, a twitch, a twinkle, anything.” And I reminded her, I said, “No, I like to think that I’m a professional heartlifter.” The words we speak come right out of our hearts.
Janell Rardon: Listen to what Dr. Luke, one of the Bible writers of the gospel, said in Luke 6:45. He said, “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” Hm. “The way I see it,” I told her, “We’re just all big walking hearts. We’re bumping into each other, aren’t we? So, I play close attention. That’s true. Hearts really matter to me. Most importantly,” I told her, “Your heart matters to me.”
Janell Rardon: So, I said to her, “Describe to me how you actually feel inside of your body, or how your face feels when you let go of something painful, hurtful. Do you experience anything physical? You know, when you have an aha moment?”
Janell Rardon: One of my other clients says, “When you have a download, a spiritual download, you have an aha, you have a light bulb moment” … and she said the most remarkable thing to me. She said, “Oh” … and it didn’t take her but a second to say it. “It definitely feels like psychological brightness.” What? I said, “That’s a fabulous description. I’ve never heard anyone describe that before. I think you’re on to a brand new psychological term, and I’m going to coin it today, psychological brightness. Let’s keep that psychological brightness on that face of yours.” Because facial expressions say way more than words. And she discovered that when she released these negative narratives that she had actually been carrying for decades, when she released them, those embedded memories, those deep emotions that actually caused her pain, when she finally released, let go, processed them, she felt a brightening. Not only is her face brighter, but her entire being was lighter. And Proverbs 15:13 actually confirms her findings. It says, “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.”
Janell Rardon: Experts all agree, when we make facial expressions, we’re essentially transmitting a packet of information that can be received, read, and interpreted by others. By contracting or expanding our facial muscles in different degrees and combinations, we can actually produce thousands upon thousands of different messages.
Janell Rardon: And let me interject here. We have 34,000 emotions. Yeah! I just found that out. All my years of studying, and master’s degree, and … I don’t know. Maybe I read it, and forgot about it, but just re-read that. We can produce these 34,000s of different messages that provide cues to our overall emotional state, our short-term feelings about our immediate environment, our mental well-being, our personality and mood, our physical health, our credibility, and whether or not we view others as being credible.
Janell Rardon: The bottom line is that absolutely, absolutely everything in our lives comes back to the condition of our hearts. And in our inaugural podcast, we laid that foundation with Proverbs 4:23, and wise King Solomon’s words that, “Above all else, guard your affections, your heart, for they, for it influences absolutely everything,” everything and everybody, and everyone in our lives.
Janell Rardon: So, through the years, the pain women expressed to me, and still continue to express to me, as close as a few hours ago, has less to do with outer appearance, i.e. a facelift, and much to do with a deep pain and percolating discontent inside of their hearts. And so, once the pain lifts, the entire countenance changes, hence psychological brightness, and they look, and they feel so much better. I just love it.
Janell Rardon: Even sometimes after a first session, a first intensive, the next time a woman comes to my office, or we’re on FaceTime, or Skyping and distance counseling, her face, her whole countenance is so much brighter and lighter. And, I’m so grateful. So, my conclusion with all of this was that what women most need is not a facelift, but a heartlift, a facelift on the inside.
Janell Rardon: Oh, now, don’t send me any emails, or any messages if you have had any work done on your face. That’s okay. It’s fine. I’ve had a lot of skin cancers on my face, so I’ve had work done on my face. Not because of … borne out of a need, I should say, that I had to have these basal and squamous cells taken off of my face, and so the skin’s tightened a little bit after the plastic surgeon’s done. So, no condemnation. You’re never going to get judgment here. Never, ever, ever. We do not move in shaming here; we’re all about gracing here on Speak Healing Words.
Janell Rardon: But when we …. I’m going to make this very personal. When we, you and me, which you and me equals we. So, when we welcome each other into a safe space and place because we’re trusting people, we can move through the process of vocalizing crushing pain, and talk about difficult situations, and have candid conversations in a healthy manner that brings about closure, emotional healing, and lasting freedom.
Janell Rardon: So, right then and there, in the car, driving down the road, and then all the research that I was doing about, “What is it that I’m actually doing in this process, in kind of a hybrid of counseling and coaching?” I coined that whole entire process as the heartlift method. And so, a heartlift is the process, as I just said, the process of vocalizing crushing pain in a healthy matter that brings closure, emotional healing, and lasting freedom.
Janell Rardon: So, a heart lift, as an active verb, is a safe space. A heartlift. If I heartlift you today with my words, what I have done is given you a safe space in which you can practice our three-fold cord of emotional health and spiritual authenticity, which, as we talked about in our inaugural podcast, is one: a healthy sense of self, big psychological term for just a healthy identity in Christ. I know whose I am, and therefore I know who I am. I do not need anyone else in this world, not even the closest people to me, to affirm me, to applaud me, to tell me who I am. I know whose I am, and I know who I am.
Janell Rardon: And if you need help in that realm, oh my goodness, that’s what I’m all about. So, go to my website. Hit Instagram. Hit Facebook. And most of all, read Overcoming Hurtful Words: Rewrite Your Own Story because I map it out there. It’s like a life coach right there with you. And that’s what we’re doing here. So, we’re strengthening our healthy sense of self. We’re going to look at our signature strengths and our weaknesses, and we’re going to love the good, the bad, the ugly about ourselves.
Janell Rardon: And second, we’re all about the powerful, powerful, healthy state of having good behavior patterns. We know who we are, so we can move throughout our days with healthy behaviors. Okay. What does that mean? That means I move through my day being able to speak healing words because I do love myself, I do take care of myself, I do spend time with my God, and my God pours his love into my heart, so that I actually have love that I can give out to other people. I know how to practice all the fruits of the spirit. I know how to manage my emotions and my anger. It does not mean that I’m perfect, but it means that I’m committed to practicing healthy behaviors so that I can make progress in my life, and be emotionally healthy and mature.
Janell Rardon: Lastly, the third-fold cord, the third part of that cord is healthy communication skills. So, I know how to be a person who asks effective questions. I know how to listen well between the lines of other people. I’m not always interjecting, and trying to give my own opinion. I listen. I actually listen to the person who is talking to me. So, let me just bear that, and repeat that because it bears repeating.
Janell Rardon: Here, in Speak Healing Words, our community, our podcast, we are committed to the three-fold cord of emotional health and spiritual authenticity: a healthy sense of self, healthy behavior patterns, and healthy communication skills. “Oh,” you might be saying, “Why do you keep repeating that, Janell? Why do you keep repeating it?” Because it is essential for living a God-honoring, God-sized, meaningful, rich, rewarding life. It is so necessary. Over and over, experts, statistics, I could just go on and on with that, say that the foundation of a healthy life is to have healthy emotions.
Janell Rardon: And we don’t talk about it enough. We certainly do not talk about it enough within the Judeo-Christian worldview in church. We don’t talk about how to treat one another, and how to move through life from a healthy emotional state, how to regulate our emotions. I hear all the time, “Oh, just pray,” or, “Just read your devotional,” or, “Just do this.” Well, those are all great things, but I, Janell Rardon, am committed, and passionate, and pounding the table about helping us, as women in particular, I’m not exclusive to women, but as women, being heartlifters in the center of our families. Because where a heartlifter is at the center of a family home, is a safe, sacred, beautiful, wonderful place, where everyone wants to be.
Janell Rardon: Okay. That’s the word for today. I don’t ever like to go over 20 minutes because I know how valuable your time is, but I always want to hear from you. Please leave comments. Please leave questions, and I’ll address them in the next podcast.
Janell Rardon: But this, my friends, is today’s word, is heart lift. And as the noun, it is that safe space in which we allow someone to vocalize their crushing pain, so that they can process it in a healthy manner, and move into freedom. Heartlift as an active verb is to offer that to everybody in the world, and allow them to have that very safe space in which to dwell.
Janell Rardon: So, have a great day. Please go about your day speaking healing words to everyone in your sphere of influence. And I’m going to leave you with this beautiful passage from Paul in Ephesians 4, 29 through 32, and I’m reading out of the New Revised Standard Version. “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29. I’m going to stop there. That’s enough for today. “So that your words may give grace to those who hear.”
Janell Rardon: Have a great day. I’ll see you next time.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening today. It was great having you here.
Speaker 1: For even more great content and conversation, please join the Speak Healing Words community at janellrardon.com.
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